The Pause I didn’t want but God had different plans for me.
The Pause I didn’t want but God had different plans for me.
Almost four months ago, life unexpectedly hit the pause button for me.
Without warning, I became incredibly sick and spent six days in the hospital. What began as what I thought an ear infection quickly turned into something far more serious. I had a bad case of shingles and it spread into my left eye and the nerves in my face. The pain was unlike anything I had ever experienced and it went on for days until they could get it under control. Facing the possibility of losing some vision in my left eye was scary, and suddenly even the simplest daily tasks walking outside, driving, reading, or being in bright light became incredibly difficult. It was hard to process how quickly life had changed. Everything stopped and what I learned in that moment was all I could do was focus on my healing. My heart ached because every plan I had carefully built for the spring disappeared overnight and if you know me, you know I am someone who loves serving athletes, coaches, and teams. I was forced to step away, which was incredibly difficult but deep down, I knew God had a bigger plan.
For four to six weeks, I couldn't tolerate bright light. Going outside was overwhelming. Walking into a grocery store felt impossible. I spent most of my days in a dark room, taking what felt like an endless amount of medication (still on some), unable to look at screens, simply hoping each day would be a little better than the last. That wasn’t always the case.
During my hospital stay and throughout my recovery, something kept coming up in conversations with my doctors. They all commented on my mindset! Not because recovery was easy, it wasn't but because I chose to focus on what I could control. As a mental performance coach, I teach athletes that mindset doesn't eliminate adversity. It changes how we move through it. I was living what I preach. Instead of asking, "Why is this happening to me?" I found myself asking, "What is this experience teaching me?" That is a perspective I share with teams and athletes all the time and that shift can be used in any situation you are in, not just in sports. What am I am here to LEARN!!
Well, recovery has taught me to celebrate the smallest victories, something I've encouraged athletes to do for years. Funny how life has a way of making you live the very lessons you've spent years teaching. Every small step forward became a reason to celebrate. The first time I sat outside. The first walk around the neighborhood. The first tennis match I was able to watch my daughter, Julia, play. The first softball game I could attend. To most people, these probably sound like ordinary moments. But to me, they were milestones. Each one reminded me that healing wasn't happening all at once, it was happening one small victory at a time.
This illness also deepened my gratitude in ways I never expected. I'm grateful my vision was saved. I'm grateful for the incredible doctors, nurses, and medical staff who cared for me. I'm grateful for my husband who did everything while I could do nothing but focus on my healing. I'm especially grateful for my mom, who came and stayed with me for two weeks and I appreciated those quiet afternoons, conversations, amazing meals, and simply having her there became one of the greatest gifts. Time together that neither of us planned for became something I'll always treasure.
This past week I sat in reflection and realized that my mental toughness and mindset played such a big role in my recovery. I am excited to share with athletes that it isn't just about helping them perform under pressure. It's about learning to stay present when life changes your plans. It’s about leaning deeper into your faith. It's about finding hope on the hard days. It's about choosing gratitude when frustration would be easier. It's about controlling what you can and letting go of what you can't. And maybe most importantly, it's about remembering that your identity is so much bigger than what you do.
As I slowly return to doing what I love, working with athletes, coaches, and teams, I do so with a renewed appreciation for every opportunity to help someone strengthen not just their mental performance, but their perspective. I am back at it starting in August with 3 high school teams and 3 college teams this fall! YAY!!!
If there's one thing I hope you take away from my story, it's this: your mindset won't erase the challenge but it can absolutely shape your journey through it. And sometimes, the smallest victories become the biggest reasons to be grateful!!
Thank you for taking the time to read my blog!Make today one of your best yet! -Jodi
Jodi Stepanek, MPM, CMMI
