The Rare Gift of Deep Friendship
As we grow into our 40s and 50s, something begins to shift in the way we connect. Friendships are no longer built on convenience or proximity; they’re built on intention. On trust. On the knowing that life is both breathtakingly beautiful and undeniably hard, and that walking through it beside someone who sees you makes all the difference.
At this stage of life, I crave depth. I crave realness. I crave the kind of friendship that doesn’t need fixing, explaining, or performing. The kind that simply allows me to be.
I recently traveled to Chicago to lead a meditation session at Loyola Medical Center and I was able to stay two nights with my dear friend Diane. We don’t see each other often I am going on the record right now that everyone should have a Diane in their life.
Our friendship began in the most unlikely of ways. We had never met each other, just spoke over the phone through weekly phone calls for 6 months on my drives home from Williamsburg in 2016. You see, Diane and I were both friends with Darcy, Perry and their family but from different seasons of life, me from college and her from school their time in Chicago. When Perry got sick, the whole family moved back to Iowa and for a little over 6 months, I spent every Tuesday afternoon with Perry to give Darc a break. Each week, I would call Diane on my drive home and I’d share updates on his progress and how he was doing. Sadly, Perry passed away in June of 2016. In the months that followed, Diane and I continued to stay in touch, checking in on our friend Darcy and navigating the ups and downs of life.
Over time, something deeper began to grow between us. Even though we lived in different cities, worked in different professions, and were raising kids of different ages and genders, there was an undeniable connection, a sense that our friendship was something truly special.
Diane once wrote in a card: “I look forward to see where this unlikely friendship from afar, based on an unthinkable situation, takes us. God’s Will at its finest.” At the time, I had no idea just how true those words would become.
Through the last 10 years, we’ve shared belly laughs, quiet moments over coffee, nights out or in, letters in the mail, a gazillion phone calls and a closeness that allowed us to unravel stories layer by layer. We live hours apart so the time we do get to see each other we make it a point to go all in. We’ve held space for one another’s visions and heartaches, our seasons of growing and our seasons of letting go. There’s a rhythm to friendships like this….an ease, a trust, a knowing. They feel like home. She feels like home to me.
On my drive home I was thinking about friendship and its importance. Why do some friendships work and others don’t? What I came to in my head is that just as partners have love languages, so do friends. Some friendships speak through words, like the text that comes at the exact right moment or now adays memes or funny videos sent. Others through actions like a night out, a warm meal dropped off when someone is sick, a ride to an appointment, or simply showing up when needed. But the deepest friendships speak all of them; time, attention, laughter, prayer, and presence. AND when you find someone who knows the unspoken parts of your story and still chooses to stand beside you with love and grace, that’s rare. That’s sacred.
My circle of friends is small and I know deep down God placed Diane in my life for a reason. I don’t believe these kinds of connections are random. I believe they are divinely woven threads of grace that appear just when we need them most. Her friendship reminds me that God’s timing is always, always good. When you find someone who reflects your light back to you, hold on. Celebrate them. Pour back into them. Because as life moves and shifts, it’s these souls who help us remember who we are and where we’re going.
We need girlfriends who understand the unspoken weight we carry, who make us laugh when we want to cry, who remind us that we’re not crazy, we’re just human, evolving, adapting, and showing up the best we can. That’s the beauty of deep friendship in midlife; it’s not about perfection, it’s about presence. It’s the steady, compassionate voice on the other end of the phone or couch, the longer hug than normal, the shared eye-roll that turns into laughter, the knowing look that says, “I get it.”
Diane, I am so grateful for you. A friend who arrived through God’s will, who has taught me what grace, loyalty, and laughter look like in their purest form. I thank you for that my friend.
Reflection Prompts- I love this practice!
I love sitting in a space of reflection and journaling so if you’re reading this and thinking of your Diane, pause for a moment to honor that friendship. Maybe even reach out to them today.
Take a few moments to journal:
Who in my life feels like home?
How do I show love and appreciation for the friendships that sustain me?
What unlikely connections has God placed in my path that have changed me for the better?
What kind of friend am I being in this season of life?
